ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
