WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
