apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
