nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
