Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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