your parents love me but you hate me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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