Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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