so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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