Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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