3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
