Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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