I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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