I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
