; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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