girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
