:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
