And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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