O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
