is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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