Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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