Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
