I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
