I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
