I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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