He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
