my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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