Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
