90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
