he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
