I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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