is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
