Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
