You smell like stripper and shame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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