Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
