i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
