I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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