i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
