they need to just BURY HIM!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
