is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
