"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
