no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
