I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
