Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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