do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
