i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
