I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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