as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
