3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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