You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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