took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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