Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
