We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
