Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
