I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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