I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize