They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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