at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
