I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
