Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
