Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dicks are not precious.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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