I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
