ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
