If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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