Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
