idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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