Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
