Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
as a side note pls kill me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
