I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Houston, we have a squirter
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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