Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
