I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
