Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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