so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
