HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
