it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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