I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
