What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
