If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
