I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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