i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
