was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
