Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
