I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
