I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
