i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
