I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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