I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
