I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
