i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
